Time

Hold me up to the light
see the cracks that time has healed.
I know what I have had to fight.
I'm so much stronger than
I ever was before.

You see the. consequence
of many years of growing.
All my confidence
is something I have worked for.
You see the moment
after many scores of tears.
I wasn't always bright as I am now

Don't compare yourself to me
we have all been on a journey
different places different times
but its our destiny
that makes us come alive.
What makes you come alive?

Like I did when I was four

So visiting guest ministry from
Indonesia this Sunday had us all singing Agnus Dei, which is my second favourite worship song of all time. Why? It's the first song I can remember worshipping to. I remember being around four years old walking around the house singing it. It wasn't a song we sang at Church so my folks were surprised I'd picked up a repertoire of Michael W songs from hearing Dad play them.

Anyway this got me thinking about the simplicity of childlike faith and worship which lead to the following:

You knew me before I could speak.
You sought me with your love.
You heard my cries and gave me life revealed yourself to me.

I want to worship like I worshipped when I was four.
When my heart knew nothing but to adore you God
I want to know you like I did before
before I had ever doubted

Father friend and healer
answer to my prayers.
Like a child I come before you.
Wanting to be loved

Lord of the morning / Live a more disciplined life

For a while I've felt God wanted me to use a blog as a way to share my journey of worship, and how I talk to God through songs and music with the world. So here I am, open to change and open to being a little bit vulnerable.

This week I gave him permission to wake me up whatever time he wanted. Yesterday I was wide awake at 5 and got up and danced to worship music in my room (with headphones - wouldn't want to disturb the house mates). Today it was 4:25... and honestly I was less keen.  Still wide awake, but my mind immediately went to "Surely this is too early God", but in the end I decided to try it anyway - albeit slightly more "lazily" by reading my Bible in bed. Regular Bible reading is something I find hard to keep up a habit of, not just a little bit hard but most of the time in the past couple of years I have used my Bible but I haven't sought to learn from it as a daily discipline. This is something I want to change this year. Relationship with God is meant to be a lifestyle. It's like stretching in the morning to get your body ready for the day, only its a preparatory form of exercise for your Spirit.

So I felt like a good way to start was to read a Psalm, a chapter of Proverbs and a chapter of one of the Gospels. This is what stood out to me from what I read:

Proverbs 23:4-5 (God's Word)

"Do not wear yourself out getting rich.
    Be smart enough to stop.
Will you catch only a fleeting glimpse of wealth before it is gone?
    It makes wings for itself like an eagle flying into the sky."

Proverbs 12-18 (God's Word) - this part is entitled Learning from Your Father

"Live a more disciplined life,
    and listen carefully to words of knowledge.
Do not hesitate to discipline a child.
    If you spank him, he will not die.
Spank him yourself,
    and you will save his soul from hell.
My son,
    if you have a wise heart,
        my heart will rejoice as well.
My heart rejoices when you speak what is right.
Do not envy sinners in your heart.
    Instead, continue to fear the Lord.
There is indeed a future,
    and your hope will never be cut off."

John 1:14 (God's Word)
"The Word became human and lived among us. We saw his glory. It was the glory that the Father shares with his only Son, a glory full of kindness[b] and truth."

The main thing that stood out to me was that phrase "Live a more disciplined life". I feel that that is what God has really been talking to me about this week. I feel empowered to change some things in my life on both a physical and spiritual level. I get the sense, and I suspect it's very true, that bringing things into the right priority and making "lifestyle changes" on both of these fields is in effect the result of the same commitment and the same attitude change. I can change my body, mind and spirit all by changing my attitude and committing each day to place honouring God at the centre of my life not only in a passing thought but in my actions and how (and when) I use my time.

So this journal is primarily a way to share my journey of worship... and today I woke up with a song going around my mind which puts into words better than I can otherwise what I'm feeling and thinking about all of this:

Lord of the morning


Oh Lord be sovereign
Over my rising my waking
Be sovereign oh Lord of my rest
Restore me and keep me 
From darkness this day
I will rise and praise your name

Holy Spirit won't you meet with me this morning
May my first words spoken today be words of life
I set my eyes on love, the King of heaven
I want you in the centre of my life